We were discharged from the hospital Sunday, September 5, 2010 with a bilirubin of 14.3. Emma weighed 6lbs. 4oz., down from 6lbs. 13.7 oz. at birth. My milk had come in the day before and we had a 2oz. gain. Dr. Ross let us go home to follow up on Tuesday or Wednesday. (Monday was Labor Day)
We called Tuesday morning and her appointment was made for Wednesday with Dr. Shaw (never heard of her before). So, Wednesday we went. Her weight was 6lbs. 4oz. and her TC Bili was 19.3. I started to cry and didn't stop. Dr. Martin came in and said that we could either go back to the hospital or go have labs drawn to get a true reading of the bilirubin. We opted for the blood draw, as going back into the hospital was a last resort. Our experience had been so horrible, that I didn't want to repeat it.
I cried in the lab for 2 hours. I missed my breastfeeding support group meeting. By the time we made it home from the lab, Dr. Martin called. Her serum bilirubin was 20 and we were going back to the hospital - only we were going to peds this time. I called my nurse manager (in case I haven't mentioned, I work at the hospital in the O.R. as a circulator) and asked what pediatrics was like and I couldn't even make it through the phone call - I was sobbing like a baby.
I took my time getting everything ready, as I was not going back into the hospital until my two older children were home from school and I could explain. By this time, my parents had arrived to help us and my in-laws were heading out the door. I was supposed to be home to enjoy my new found privacy, but I wasn't and before my MIL (mother in-law) could make it out the door - she was complaining to my mother about how I was starving Emma to death and that her jaundice was my fault and then she moved onto my husband. Now, I heard all of this going on and ignored it. But, what really hit home was that on the way to the hospital - my husband, my support person turns to me and says "Do you think you are passing antibodies through your breast milk and causing her to be sick?" Now, I was sunk. It all started to hit like a ton of bricks.
I was doing this to her. I was starving her by breast feeding and I was hurting her, not making her better. I asked Michael not to stay at the hospital with us. I continued to breast feed her and pump and give her what I pumped. They tested her bili 6 hours after we arrived. It dropped from 20 to 16.9. I was ecstatic. I had a breakdown in the night and cried ~ I wanted to quit breastfeeding, bottle feeding would make her better for sure. But there was something that told me to keep going and so I did and by the next morning I was fine. Dr. Elzie rounded and I asked him if I could possibly be making her worse and he told me no, in fact I was probably making her better. I explained to Michael how I was feeling and he didn't want me to quit - he wanted me to breast feed her too. So, I did. They tested her bili at 2pm that day and she had dropped down to 14.7. Wow!!! So, we got to go home (after I thought we would be there for at least a week - one day was sweet!) We went home on a bili blanket and continued feedings. We followed up on Monday and her TC Bili was 12.3. We discontinued the blanket and went back the next day and she popped back up to 14.3. So, we left her off the blanket one more day just to see if she was regulating her own system and the next day she dropped to 12.1!!!!!!
Now, we don't have to go back until Oct. 11! So happy! Her weight was up to 6lbs. 8 oz. We are moving in the right direction!
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